I don't mean to elicit shock or controversy by stating this, I merely think it provides an interesting context or lens for one to view my short bio through... Also, we are discussing social issues in gender, so why not get down to the bare-bones and not beat around the bush so much... wouldn't want to stifle our educational evolution.
Anyways, onto the main event... Perhaps the most gender-influential element in my life, or my childhood, thus far would have to be video games. I play them. I live them. I love them. I can recall the first game I ever enjoyed, which was Tomb Raider, and its main character, Lara Croft, whom I, ironically enough, fell head-over-heels in love with . Here I am, this young (probably around 9 or 10) boy, already slightly aware of his growing interest in good-looking men... and along came this Goddess; this virtual vixen that embodies the very essence of feminine ferocity, simultaneously empowering women and objectifying them. I saw Lara not as a person to model myself after (thank goodness no...) but as an example of how women could be equal to and even better than men... way better. She was probably the catalyst for my obsession with female video game characters, in fact. From then on, every game I played, specifically fighting games, I always picked the girls... from the sultry femme fatale to the happy-go-lucky adolescent... whatever the stereotype of female, I played them all and thoroughly enjoyed it. In retrospect, I realize now that I picked them because I had something to prove. I wanted to show all those stereotypical chauvinistic/geeky gamer guys that... yes, they can get their ass handed to them by an ignorant little girl one third the size of their hyper-masculine hero who has muscles on top of his muscles. It was satisfying really... incredibly so. It made me feel that it was ok to be feminine, and by extension, ok to be gay. It legitimized my sexual orientation within a culture largely dominated by guys who use the word "gay" to mean stupid, and never really consider the actual definition or the implications of its use. Of course, one of my best friends is a gamer himself and I've known him since 5th grade (the rest of my friends are a plethora of girls... obviously), but he was well aware of my sexuality probably before I was, and remains incredibly supportive and understanding. My parents, actually never shaped my role of gender throughout my childhood... they never really taught me how to be a certain way, they just let me be myself - also probably because they knew about my orientation even when I was young. Really, video games were the main factor that shaped my views of gender... all those over-sexed yet strangely dignified American female characters... and all the dangerously brooding yet ambiguously feminine Japanese male characters. All of them have undoubtedly shaped my view of gender into something a bit more unconventionally singular rather than your standard male and female... light and dark.
Thanks for sharing :) This was very thought provoking and well written
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